One Life Many Journeys

I Invited Fear to Be My Friend

Two weeks before my first dressage show of this season I began worrying big time. How would I be able to get on Joey when we were at the show grounds? The safety net I have at our barn would not be there. The grounds are big, open and often pretty chaotic. For a couple of days I agonized over this. Then I told my trainer Stephanie and she immediately offered two options.

Big breath in, big breath out!

I've promised myself that I will appreciate my fear as a gift to keep me safe. It's so easy to dance close to the edge of my old mindset: overpower the fear, force myself to face my fear and do it anyway. That long time mindset almost led me to give up my horse and riding, one of the most important parts of my llife. Yet I have to still remind myself from time to time that fear is a gift that keeps me safe and able to ride.

I applaud those who do face their fear and do it anyway. I did that for 19 years and achieved some pretty amazing riding goals. But when I could no longer do it, I came to embrace this new mindset: integrate my fear into my self image.

I make decisions with the fear in mind. I will never get on any horse without someone holding the horse while I mount. Sometimes that's a bit inconvenient, but I want to keep riding, so I accept that. I will ask for someone to walk with me when I'm not in an arena, just to help me stay relaxed. When I'm relaxed, Joey is relaxed, and we have a good ride.

When have you been told, or told yourself, to face your fear and do it anyway--only to not do it because this is more than you can handle. Why not accept the fear as a gift that keeps you safe and figure out how to do what's fearful in a safer way?

I'm always grateful for people who share their stories with me. Please post yours in our comment box.

 

How I Stopped Battling Fear and Began to Enjoy Life

"Did you ever think that fear is a gift that keeps you safe?" Although I was seated, this question nearly knocked me off my feet. Fear is a gift? Not in my view. Fear was a demon and a obstacle that I had to fight off and overcome. No gift there.

The particular fear that brought about this question came from a fall I had off my horse. The fall directly tied to my attitude that fear was something to attack and overcome. I knew my horse was worried about the situation and I was also worried, yet I explicitly told myself not to be a "wimp" and began to get on him. He couldn't take the tension and trotted off, and I fell. After a difficult recovery I began riding again. Yet...

More than a year later I was having nightmares about getting hurt again. They were so powerful that I could not get on my horse. And then the question: "could it be that fear is a gift that keeps you safe?"

"Maybe it's possible" I thought. If I let the fear guide me in my approach to riding--not stop me, mind you--but really help me create a safer environment, I could consider that the fear is a gift.

This is a huge leap and requires doing something anathema in our culture: integrating fear into my self-image and refusing to feel defeated because I accepted the fear. To be able to see myself as worthy and accomplished even with the fear as part of my self-image.

Have you ever tried that? Rather than working to defeat fear, overcome fear, knock it down and out, you simply say "okay, this fear is part of me and I'll work with it. I'll let it guide me to safer ways to do what I want to do."

When I was just out of college I was alone in a big city. I met a guy who had lots of friends and they were all getting married. I decided I would marry him and if it didn't work out, we could divorce. The reality was that I was more afraid of being alone than being married to someone I didn't really love. So to conquer my fear of being a long-time single, I got married. Within a year, I initiated the divorce.

What if I had been willing to see the fear of being single as a gift that would keep me safe? Instead of battling that fear with an ill-advised marriage, I would have searched for ways to build a community of people who supported me.

How do you view your fears: demons to be vanquished or gifts that keep you safe? Share your stories of fear and safety in our comment box.

 

 

 

How Imperfect Practice is Improving My Performance

I always knew the dressage test. I'd memorized each movement, where it starts and ends; I'd studied the judging directives; I'd visualized each transition, circle, change of direction; I'd imagined my hands, seat and legs. Yet too often when I actually rode the test, the test was a mess.

This year I decided to ride my test 100 times between Janaury and the first show of the season in mid-May. 100 times is about 10 times the number of practices I've ever ridden before show seaason. Would it make a difference? I didn't know for sure but I was willing to take the chance that it would.

Now I'm three weeks out from the first show. I've ridden the test (Second Level Test 1 for any dresage fans) 35 times so far. I know I'm not going to get the full 100 times done before this show but I expect to make it to 45.

What do I think? I think it's fantastic. Yesterday when I rode for my trainer, she told me the canter serpentines were stunning. Stunning! Me! I can tell you that 35 times ago the canter serpentines were poorly shaped, the rhythm was irregular and Joey fell into trot on the third loop of the left one. Now, the three half circles are clear and well-proportioned, the rhythm never varies and we make it through and into the next movement smoothly and with confidence. And the rest of the test is also beautiful.

My point really is that it only took 35 practices to go from "what the heck is that?" to "stunning"! If I had only know what a difference many practices would make, I'd have done it long ago.

What are you trying to get better doing? Maybe it's writing, maybe it's gardening, or walking, tennis, knitting, cooking--I'm absolutely sure that if you practice it way more times than ever before you'll see the same kind of difference I've seen in my riding.

Here's what I've done: I set a numerical goal, wrote it down in a notebook and keep track one-by-one of my practices. There's a terrible myth about needing perfect practices to make perfect performances. It's not about perfect practices, it's about using practices to get closer to perfection. Feel each practice, mistakes and all, and learn from them. Over time your mistkaes will migrate from one place to another, which is okay. Will you--or I--ever get to perfect? Probably not. Yet experiencing improvement from the inside out is very gratifying and motivating.

What's your story about practicing? I'd love to hear it. Share it in our comment box.